Passion towards living our lives

For anything we do in our lives or dont do, we either say " I had Time" or " I made Time for this" and most of the Time we say " I did not have Time". Time plays a major role. But today i am not here to lecture around that or talk about how to save or make time. I just came from San Ramon, California from India leaving my family back there (though for a short while). It's been few weeks but it’s still not sinking in.. the place seems to have stopped breathing for quite some time.. and i always wish to say " BREEEAATTH". I am at New Jersey today and i feel life everywhere i see.. the place is beautiful .. i could spot people wherever my eye sight went. I love this place.. it takes me back home, to life. With whomever i shared this thought they kept saying wait for the winter, you will hate this place. But i have my own thoughts. Even While having a discussion about Nothing with a person, i started talking about my wishes and it felt as if time went 8 years back. I shared my rave mischief’s, wishes and how i lived every moment of my life.. how i enjoyed every moment of it. Why would i share my secrets with someone whom i have not spent enough time? But i had my answer.. This place shoved me with the breeze of happiness, an unknown happiness which not many can understand. Time passes by and its not every time that we remember our past, and when we do, it has to be a very special occasion, the occasion when our heart is filled with sheer joy, and our mind with mischievous thoughts from our pasts. Since yesterday i have been surrounded with these two wonderful creation of god "Ria" & "Jia", lil girls of my friend who have kind of filled a big part of void that's was there within me. So it's never the beauty of the nature or the hardships due to the weather that brings Joy, Love and feeling of being next to home. It's people, the talks, the fights, the love, the warmth that brings the feel of fulfillment. Just my thought!!!!! I LOVE THE FEEL OF LIFE AROUND ME!!! TODAY I AM HAPPY!!!

Where is your Native?

By the end of 3^rd standard Dad got transferred to West Bengal. As a small kid I was scared of loosing friends and making new. Being Madrasi sometimes helped and few times did not.

I still remember that day when my class teacher asked me the question of my nativity.

Teacher- “Where is your Native?”.

I did not understand and was confused with the answer.

Me- I asked her “What’s the meaning of Native?”

Teacher- She said it’s the place where you were born.

Me- I Said then its Cochin- Kerala.

Teacher- Then are you from Kerala? Is your mother tongue Malayalam

Me- No

Teacher- Ok, where does your Grandparents live

Me- Tamilnadu, Near Madurai.. a small village named Kottaiyur.

Teacher- Good! So remember any one asks you this question again then you reply its Kottaiyur.

Since then the small girl never forgot the Answer to the question about her Native.

Only after going to Northern part of India did I started cherishing my summer holidays (That’s when we took 2 days & 3 nights Train Travel to go to my Native)

From Madurai we take a 45 mins bus travel and after crossing Thirumangalam we get to see the mightly western ghats and we all knew where our village was. My village is surrounded by Western Ghats from 3 sides. Its situated near sathuragiri hills (Just 15 mins drive). As we near Alagapuri which is mere 2 kms from my place a rush of happiness travels through our nerves( Even today).

Alternate route Srivilliputur -> Watrap -> Kottaiyur

My village is very big (area wise) and hence demarked by caste, ours is MELLA KOTTAIYUR (There are still ruins of Kottai/Fort), then we have killa kottaiyur and thekku kottaiyur (mostly referd as Thekkur)

First thing we got to see was splash of green all around us. Where ever our eyes go, it was all green. The moment we get down from the bus, we see our Thatha( grandpa), Mama who wait for our arrival and take our bags. We need to walk around 1 km to reach my Patti’s house and on the way there is a small temple of Veeriyari (There is a story to this temple too) whom my Dad ensures we pray to till date without fail (How many ever times we cross her).

And 100 mts from the temple starts the residents of villagers. Every one asking my Dad and Mom of our wellbeing. Few of them asking us as well, but all we end up do is give confused look but keep up our smile and say we are doing good and how are you?

We cross some 50 houses and greetings continue till we see my paatti coming literally running towards us. She gets so happy looking at Dad and us.

Then we get ready to go to the field (Vayal or kaadu). To bath and play in the pump set water, huge wells, big cement tubs etc.. with lots of katchakai (Big Lemons- actually huge), coconut trees, The plantation included, Thattam payar (Pulses),Rice, Cucumber, pumpkins etc etc.

After playing in the water time for food which comes from home and then we attacked on the tender nut.. 3 each.. hell lot of water it was..

In my Ammi’s field (Mom’s Mom) in the name of helping we used to mess up with the cotton plantation and drink lot of coconut water & eat fruits from Palm trees. The plantation included Thattam payar (Pulses), Rice, Ground nuts, Cotton & Rice Field, Jasmine, Chillies, Onions, Brinjal etc etc.

In our karusa kaadu where the soil is black they grow Raagi (Red ones, now people use hybrid), Chollam (Corn), Karuthu etc. We also had thopu/Farm of Guava trees surrounded by coconut trees and Gingili plantation.

I always rejoiced the 30 days long stay with playing around with the kids, we were lot of kids.. we had free reign of going to school and attending classes with my cousin, eating the noon meal given at school (That somehow always tasted good, even though the sambar used to be watery), we used to get boiled egg ones in a week then they made twice a week and now its daily two eggs.

The teachers used to teach us reading Tamil. My village school was very small, with lot of holes in the roof but now it’s better but still only till 5^th standard. So the kids go to East side of village Keella kottaiyur which had classes till 10^th and then the kids go to nearby villages to complete their education, even today.

Evening due to no electric power earlier or less power we used to eat early dinner around 7:30 PM. This was practice across, since the hard working villagers get back from field all hungry. We used to go to the roof top and have peaceful dinner with all my cousins (around 20 of us). Eat and then sleep of their itself. The elders used to sit in the Therenai/ Thinnai ( every household has place to sit outside their house.

All the 3 divisions of village have separate Thiruvilla.. others are not allowed to attend, we have our own temple of lord Mariyamman. We have Mariyamman kovil thiruvilla it goes for 3 full days.

Day 1- Manjal thanni villayatu.. (Mix of turmeric powder in water and girls put it on boys)

Day 2- Taking Mollapaari & Manjal thanni from each house to temple. Accompanied by thabla valla’s. At night ladies sing kummi pattu and who ever had said to god last year that they will take poo chaatti fulfill the promise by taking Agni Chatti (mud pot with burning coal) in there hands and go around the village to each house and they intern put oil to keep the fire on, along with giving kannikkai and late in the night the god comes in her chariot through the streets and people throw banana’s as kannikkai, put their kids on the ground for the god to go past.

Day 3- selembattam and after all our mella kottaiyur villagers get together and the god comes in the chariot we follow her till the temple, she takes the route through the kammai (once water reserviour now dry land) my mom said that earlier even when the water was above the head people still look the goddess through the water only but they ensured that the goddess doesn’t get wet. People who pray to for wellbeing carry the mold made of mud of the in this journey (like doll of baby, full body in case of any disease, hand/leg in case of any pain etc) once we reach the temple the turmeric water that was bought day before is used to bath the pujari who sits carrying the goddess’s murti, post which Kummi paatu (song) surrounding the mollapaari is sang and they put it in the water to let it dissolve. Then every one prays god and heads to madham (common gathering place) to watch dance etc. (In earlier days they used to have ramayanam and other stories being enacted)

20^th July 2013-

Last Saturday for the first time we took a Road trip.. same rush came when we reached Alagapuri, but my eyes craved to see green. No Rain, No Water.. A village which was floating in water is dry now.. My Mama and Ammi were waiting for us but we still missed Thatha, paati (They are no more), prayed at the veeriyari temple but spoke to just 2-3 family’s on our way (people have either left the village or the old ones are no more), got to hear that water comes ones in 5 days..

But any way we were heading to temple to our kulla deivam kovil.. again a place with no water.. had feast with the entire family, relatives coming down from places, this time I wanted to know each of them about who they were and how we were related. Next day we Travelled to courtallam and had some peace by looking at the greenery across.

While coming back Me, Akka, Ammi were discussing that we never ever dreamed that our village will dry off and that the people will have to abandon their farm lands and look out for work in other places.

Now the lands which were green are either baren or the soil is being used to make bricks. When I think of few places in Chennai and adjacent areas where the ground water level is good but they are selling off the lands to make quick money and on the other side I look at my villagers who still think that there lands have life but are slowly dying due to lack of water. They feel that the land breath’s.

My Dad keeps asking us on why we want to go to our village, but somehow I feel that’s home. That’s where we belong, even though now we don’t run around and play as all the kids who played with me are adults now with family. We hardly meet and whenever that happens we just exchange smiles. My son got to see real Cow, Goat, Hen, Cock, Pigs, Sheep’s, Squirrel, Myna, peacock and he loved them.. he played in mud, he put soil on his head but this time I did not stopped rather I loved watching him enjoy the purity of nature. We did much more than this I am happy that at least he is getting 10% of what i had. Even though my mom says I got only 60% of what they had but for me that was awesome.

This time there was no trip to field, no going to school, no playing, no buffalo ride while going to field, no talking with others but still I feel that’s my place, that’s where my ancestors lived, my Thatha who was president for 13 consequent times for all the 18 villages including ours. Then every house had more than 10 cows which includes buffalos & Bulls, similarly Hens & Cocks, I hardly remember my paati buying rice, coconut, pulses/cereals, oil from shop it was all homegrown.

Back here is in Chennai when I asked few people about their native they answered Chennai. I am sure not all of them BELONG to Chennai or I did not thing there NATIVE is Chennai so I again asked them, where did your grandfather belong to, then comes reply … “ a village near Tirunelveli”, “a village near Tanjor”

They said so, because there immediate relatives no longer live in those villages hence they almost never go and all they have memories of is Chennai.

There answer scared me made me think what is Rohan (My Son) also says or What if his kids don’t feel the same belongingness as I have.

Because even though if there is no field, fewer cattle’s, no water I have memories, I have the house where my ancestors lived and where my Thatha was president for 13 times, moreover I get the peace when I sit outside and look at the sky because I belong there. That MELLA KOTTAIYUR is my NATIVE.

To Work or Not to Work: The Choices Mothers Make

Work, stay home or try to find a middle ground?

No business can thrive without the mojo of working mothers. Yet, for women like us who are from the working fraternity who try to juggle family and a full-time job, employment seems rigged as an either/or proposition—you are committed either to your career or your kids, but not both. Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. "Women rarely make one big decision to leave the workforce. Instead, they make a lot of small decisions along the way

Three things women can do to further their careers: don't slow down their career before deciding to start a family, let go of unattainable goals, and make sure their colleagues are aware when women are held to different standards than men (Particularly when women succeed), for them to understand and appreciate at work.

The cultural story of good mothering has not been reconciled yet to reflect working women. There are social rules and the standards are very demanding. There is a structural reality that women live in, and there's a story women tell themselves about their lives -- a story that is impossible to live up to “ To have it all”. There is no way to have it all. But we never give up trying.

Might be we should stop trying to have it all. And acknowledge the sacrifices and hardships that are tougher today because of the expansion of working hours, Cut throt competition, the urge to go side by side to Men & still be successful in raising kids, being good Mom, good wife, good child to our parents, good host to the relatives, to be on top wrt household stuffs, festivals, functions the list goes on… huh.. sometimes its too tiring.. Might be in this whole marathon we just forget about us. "If more women lean in, we can change the power structure of our world and expand opportunities,"

"At the end of the day, we make choices about the kind of people we want to be, and it's so much more than self-sabotaging."